Modernism at The Corcoran

Sunday. I have a few hours free. I need to return some shirts I bought at Filene’s Basement. Apparently any shirts that fit my neck and arms are ridiculously large in the chest, billowing like sails. I need “modern” or “athletic” fit. That’s good, right?

I grab an umbrella and head out into the Washington summer. I don’t have a lot of time, so I walk fast. A light breeze sweeps the heavy air across the streets. I get my refund and head on to the Corcoran, to catch the closing hours of their Modernism exhibit.

The walk is wonderful – the skies darken, the temperature drops, and the wind blows. The heavens making a long, protracted sigh before the inevitable summer rain.

The exhibit is $14, but worth it. A well-arranged collection of artifacts, assembled by themes and chronology. I’ve seen much of this before, but it provides a new perspective and is quite inspiring. But there’s plenty I haven’t seen – the costumes, the architectural models. There are many chairs. A complete kitchen from Bauhaus plans and designs. A car.

The coat check man who insisted I check my umbrella can’t find it – but I can. And it’s a good thing, because now it’s raining. Curbs are overflowing and washing out.

I love it.

I take a long, leisurely stroll the many blocks back to the Leinberger place, listening to rain on my umbrella and music on my headphones.

Fairfax High School 20-year reunion - Class of 1987

I’m there at 8. I drop off some of my CDs at the sign-in table, affix the printer label with my name I’m handed to my lapel, and walk in to the ballroom.

The next few hours are a blur – a couple of bourbons, 6 glasses of water, a few bites of some extremely dry turkey.

It seems like every woman I know has gone into education – two are special education teachers. Many are working in the Fairfax school system. 

Most of the guys are married with 2-5 kids. They all look the same, instantly recognizable. One guy is a federal agent. A lawyer. A consultant. Everyone seems happy.

I talk to everyone I recognize and remember. It’s really nice to see some of these people. I wish I had more time to spend with them in a less-crowded environment. It’s a lot to take in all at once.

I pass out some business cards and a few “try Rhapsody free” cards I have leftover from my last business trip. I hope it’s not too miserable an experience for those who do try it.

I watch one fellow stagger drunkenly around before finally slumping outside in a chair with his beer. People are smoking, eyes avoiding each other.

It’s late now, and the volume drops a bit. The DJ has gone home. Something changes and the secrets come bubbling up. The nostalgia gives way to a bit of regret in people’s eyes as they look around and wonder how it all ended up like this. If this is it.

“Jack and Diane” plays in the background, and John Cougar sings “life goes on long after the thrill of living is gone”.

I’m done. I walk out into the humid night, pausing briefly to admire a vanity license plate in the parking lot.

I get in my rental car and instead of reversing directions and heading straight back to DC, I take Route 50 back into Fairfax.

Things have changed so much – the streets are all incredibly wide and look like they were paved yesterday. Intersections have become convoluted and multi-arrowed signs proliferate like trees, sprouting the nine-armed symbol of chaos.

There are far fewer actual trees, but the ones that remain are huge and ripe, filtering the streetlamps through the evening haze into tall, spiky towers of light.

I marvel at the number of giant new office buildings, plunked down on sites that were once arcades, tiny shopping centers, or nothing.

I pass the old library, still surrounded by trees – looks like it’s being renovated. Courthouse Plaza hasn’t changed, including its horrible signs. I glide through the enormous parking lot looking at the stores.

I float silently down the road, passing an old elementary school, long since converted to a police station. Another elementary school has been re-branded and remodeled. I’ve been down this road dozens of times in my youth and probably as many in my dreams.

It feels like I’m dreaming now as I roll through flashing yellow stoplights, alone.

Fairfax High School fades into view on my left. It looks like they’re adding a second story, as pyramids of glass appear to be bursting through its top. The back entrance is taped off and locked, but the main parking lot is open. I attract the attention of a security guard car briefly as I loop through the parking lot.

Great Oaks is still there. The sign is the same. The houses look the same. Fancier cars in the neighborhood. I’m sure these are very expensive places now. The wood retaining walls have all been rebuilt and the trees are enormous. My old house looks no different from the others. I’m back on the main street.

The bowling alley is still a bowling alley. The woods behind it are now McMansions. The 7-11 is still there. I turn right and head up the hill. Former stands of trees are now partitions between giant subdivisions with names like “Pickett’s Rest” and “Woodhaven”.

The Fairfax Ice Arena is still there, and still proudly open year-round. It’s now surrounded by brick industrial buildings – the kind that house gyms, offices, and other mysterious firms behind rolling metal doors.

Fair City Mall remains as odd as ever – an enormous gym occupying what looks to be a whole wing. The other mall in front of it looks about the same, too – the stores change, but not much. The sprawling intersection is being resurfaced. I still can’t believe 3 giant shopping areas can continue to survive in the same place.

Down 236 I go. Lots of churches. More houses. Pine Ridge Elementary is long closed.

I sigh. It’s getting late and this trip down Memory Lane is bringing me down. I'm tired, so tired it all seems a bit unreal. Am I dreaming all of this right now? Even now, as I write this, it's so hard to keep straight. I've been back here before in my dreams. Were things this different already?

I head back to Route 50, weaving through the sort of road that used to be everywhere here – hard to find, curvy. Dense with trees, houses all but hidden from the road. Half of the homes are now massive re-builds.

The intersection of 50 and 495 is enormous and sprawling, dropping down 20 feet below street level before a glorious, graceful orbital curve throwing me back north into the night.

All the exits on 495 have been renumbered, but I can still practically drive this by feel. I count the giant office towers as I head for the George Washington Parkway.

I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised – if people can age and change, make foolish decisions and have great success, why can’t places?

I whirr through the woods on the parkway. My headlights catch a fox in the median. He watches me drive by and scampers off into the woods.

Not Business Jail

If my previous New Jersey hotel was business jail, the place I stay this time is the exact opposite. Doesn't really matter. It's still New Jersey, it's still a business trip, and it's still hard to enjoy.

It's hard to eat healthy. It's hard to do anything other than go from office to hotel and back. And the airports really get you down after a while. These days "the dignity and elegance of travel by air" tends to mean watching people endure the stress test of pointless security and marveling at the absurdity of it all.

The official government signs that misspell "Amended". The people who "forget" they have liquids in their bags. The filthy airport carpets we're all walking in our socks (or barefoot).

I generally block out 90 minutes from airport arrival to board time. You never know how bad the lines will be. It usually doesn't matter, because these days, you're apt to get stuck waiting on the plane. On this trip, I got to the airport and found that my flight was delayed due to bad weather. In New Jersey. Where I was. So I took this photo, which pretty much sums it up. Note that it may be hard to see because the sun is shining so brightly.

38

I am 38 years old today.

Other famous people born on July 16?

• Stewart Copeland
• Ian Curtis
• Barbara Stanwyck
• Ginger Rogers
• Desmond Dekker
• Mickey Rourke
• Will Ferrell

I woke up this morning with blood pressure of 120/80. In good health. Looking forward to a mellow day - no presents or anything, and all the restaurants are closed, so probably dinner at home.

I'd enjoy some sort of birthday party, but who has time to plan and deal with the hassle?

Business Jail

I'm on a business trip in New Jersey. Some folks say "ooh, business trip! That's fun!". These people have never been on a business trip before.

I am staying at the Courtyard Marriott (as requested by those responsible for the meeting and trip). It is Business Jail.

I arrived last night at about 8:30 pm local time. I immediately hit the gym and ran 4 miles - in a hurry because I wanted to get some food before room service closed. This place is in the middle of an office park near the freeway, so there is nothing walkable. And I have no idea where to go on a Sunday night here if I cabbed it.

I get back from the gym and call. Turns out the restaurant downstairs is closed Friday through Sunday! But they'll happily give me the number for Domino's Pizza, which is the only place that is open and delivers. Ugh. 45 minutes later (what happened to "30 or it's free?") my pizza arrives. After I tip the guy and he runs off I realize they didn't even include the drink I ordered.

I walk through the silent halls, past the other cell doors to mine. I sit in the damp summer air and eat pizza while watching TV.

I suppose I'm just spoiled. Unlike hotels I regularly stay at and enjoy, this place offers no lotion and the soap/water combination feels like it's leaving some sort of film on my skin.

Breakfast rations are "the buffet" and "coffee". I sit with my back to the window, facing the door so I can see any up-and-comers who might try to shiv me for my USA Today.

Later today I hope to hit the weights, maybe walk the yard. Supposedly all our meetings are being held here, and they're basically 9-5:30 Monday and Tuesday, then a morning flight back to SFO.

A 4-day sentence in business jail. I have a feeling this isn't all that different from low-security prison!

I had to get up early on Sunday morning and drive to SFO. I could do an entire post about the disaster that is airport security (on my last trip, I watched the security guards forcing people to leave bottled water behind, but had no problem letting a guy put an aerosol can of Lysol through the X-ray machine and then back in his bag), but that's probably unnecessary.

I ended up in the last row of the plane. At least Continental Airlines has moved those forward from the bulkhead so they actually recline. I generally prefer the aisle seats, but this resulted in my shoulder getting bumped every time anyone walked by. Given that I was sitting next to the restrooms (a wondrous olfactory experience in itself), I got bumped a lot.

I did have one small bonus - the middle seat of my row was empty, and it was the only empty seat on the plane. A nice treat.

6-hour flight. The movie? Firehouse Dog. I couldn't have watched it if I wanted to, as the sound system wasn't working, so the staff shut the movie down after 15 minutes.

I don't mind the flying so much. I catch up on reading, do a little work, and listen to music. It's a bit like prison as well, but in a good way - some serious, uninterrupted solitude. Time for thinking, reflecting, napping. I write a lot of lyrics on planes.

One more thing - On my last trip, I should note that the person behind me in the security line was none other than Eartha Kitt! Having lived in L.A. for so long, I'm a little jaded. But this is Catwoman, people! She should have her own security line, because a) she's awesome and b) who knows what eeevil devices she may be sporting?

Anyhow, she is much shorter than you'd expect. And radiates star power. I don't know where she was going (probably some secret lair), but I guarantee it isn't any business jail.

Music today sucks; or "Daydream Nation" is the root of all indie rock evol

Music today sucks!

What I mean by that is we're halfway into 2007 and I've heard very little this year that's made me excited.

In general, my enthusiasm for "albums" is waning - most new records feel like they were made to be shuffled or dumped in with a bunch of other music on a hard drive, rather than enjoyed like a 5-course meal.

I have also come to realize that it's all Sonic Youth's fault. Thanks to "Daydream Nation". This album was recently reissued and Pitchfork Media gave it a perfect score. Of course they did, it epitomizes everything they think is cool.

There's just one problem. It's not a very good record. It commits what I consider to be the musical cardinal sin: It's boring.

Yeah, it's got "Teenage Riot". Great song. "Silver Rocket" is good. They're the first two tracks. But the rest of it? Eh. It quickly degenerates into a soggy, indistinguishable blob of chiming guitar strumming (is that a Roland Jazz Chorus amp?) and Thurston doing his sprechstimme even more tunelessly than normal.

I defy you to listen to it all the way through and not reach for the skip button. "Kissability" is one of the weakest tracks Kim Gordon's ever done - formulaic in composition and "message". "Providence" is the sort of art experiment you'd expect college students to put on their debut ("ooh, let's make a fake phone message about a stoned guy and put it on top of our amps humming!"). Tracks like "The Sprawl" and "Eric's Trip" just seem to go on and on and on...Many of the songs are 7 minutes long or longer and you will feel every second of it.

And there's a "Trilogy". I'm assuming it's an "ironic" Trilogy, but why can't they do it in 3 minutes? Brevity is the soul of wit, kids.

I loved "Evol" and "Sister". I thought they were both better-sounding records and had more interesting songs. I have liked much of Sonic Youth's numerous other albums. But "Daydream Nation" broke my heart. I listened to it over and over, trying to understand why everyone was going so crazy for it. I still don't "get it".

And yet this is what much of modern indie rock music chooses as its template. Maybe I'm just getting old.

Bah. I'll post soon about some records I've liked.

Doing Better

As you can see from the survey above, I'm doing much better (today, so far!). I got a foam roller which has been helping with my leg issues.

Work is still nuts. Isn't it always?

Music also going fine - my friend Sid Luscious had a song used in a movie trailer. I treated myself to an early birthday present (gear!) and will post about that shortly.

Special thanks to Liz and Peter for their kind messages. I really appreciated it.

Politics: Democrats

Court jesters Something Awful recently covered the Democratic Party "debate". Hilarious as always. A particularly noteworthy line about Hillary Clinton:

It's great to see diversity and all, but she's more of an old rich white man than most of us will ever be. When her jackbooted thugs smash your door down and uninstall Grant Theft Auto from your PC Personal Computer, don't say I didn't warn you.

This nicely encapsulates a number of issues for me:

• All the candidates on both sides are basically "more of the same".
  
• Hillary is an old rich white man, for all intents and purposes.
  
• Aside from the usual fascists, hypocrites, and liars, the Republicans are fielding a guy who is basically the 21st-Century version of "Gopher" from The Love Boat and a "family values" candidate with no real qualifications aside from having his city attacked. Watching them enthusiastically endorse torture is truly sickening.
  
• The Democrats aren't much better. These days they would be more accurately represented by a jellyfish (spineless and toothless) than a jackass. They are responsible for the PMRC and music labeling, most of the videogame ridiculousness, and worst of all, the DMCA and the continuing extension of copyright.
  
• Their candidates aren't proving to be any better than their Republican counterparts. Apparently the Democratic plan is something like "if we don't take any positions or stand up for anything, we can't lose!"
  
• Our political process and the media prevent us from getting anything substantial out of any of the candidates during the campaign process. We get endless empty promises.

The entire election gets reduced to the equivalent of a web forum poll or American Idol. Given the minimal level of thought we, the people demand from these jokers (and the clowns who talk to us about them), it's probably no more than we deserve.

Candidates, here's my deal. Promise me you will deliver on any of the following and I will give you my vote and work hard to deliver the votes of anyone I know:

• Out of Iraq within 18 months of taking office
• "Manhattan Project" for green energy
• Revise CAFE laws to mandate dramatically better fuel efficiency (or replace CAFE with laws that make sense and work)
• Raise taxes (Yeah, I said it. I will gladly pay some money to help maintain our country.)

I don't care what party you're in. Do something. Make a difference.

Quoted in the New York Times

I was recently quoted in the New York Times.

Hooray me. I'm almost famous.

The Internet is our Oracle, and it is wrong

In a recent Onion AV Club interview, Louis C.K. says:

To me, there's a huge difference between criticism and reviewing...To me, a critic is someone who analyzes a show, describes it, talks about the people in it, puts it in historical context of other shows like it, compares it and stuff, and then talks about the intent of the show and whether it failed or didn't. At the end, they usually say, "By the way: not for me." But reviewers now just go, they're like bloggers, they go, "Ha ha hi. Don't bother seeing this, it's shit. Trust me, it's crap. I like this show. That show I just saw sucks. Fuck you. And by the way, I ate a muffin today."

This is one piece of the puzzle. Here's another. Recently, the hoary speechwriting cliche of starting with a dictionary definition of a word (or Lexis/Nexus hits) has been updated to something like "If you look up [insert topic here] in Google..." or "Wikipedia says..."

Then there's YouTube, and the whole "Web 2.0/User-generated content" world. That's another piece.

Put all this together and what do you have? A cacophony of uninformed, braying idiots.

Louis C.K. is right - there is a crucial difference between "criticism" (which is informed by experience, knowledge, and reason) and "opinion" (which isn't informed, and doesn't have to be).

But the Internet glosses over all that. Everyone has a soapbox - a blog or forums or website - and they're all yelling. People behave atrociously in forums, and declaim uninformed, biased opinion as though it were fact. Pseudo-scientific surveys and charts mingle with rumors, lies, speculation, and even a bit of the truth now and then. People link to each other and re-post over and over again.

Digg is the height of this nonsense. Man, who gives a fuck what most people have to say? And who gives a fuck about what most people think is important? Digg is already being gamed, though they vehementy deny it. So the crowd is already corrupted.

But let's pretend it's not for now. Pick any topic or story on Digg (ideally one that you know something about). Then start wading through the pages of idiocy that follow. It's enough to make you swear off the Internet, or at least give you a migraine. I guarantee the threads can't stay on topic longer than the first page, and everything after the first 5 posts is usually complete noise. It's like Slashdot with a lower average IQ.

This is revolution(ary)?

Wikipedia is sort of like the "Family Feud" version of the facts. It's not necessarily what's true, it's just what the majority thinks or accepts is true. One reason Wikipedia is problematic is the folks "running" it are making some arbitrary and poorly-thought-out decisions about what's allowed and what isn't. But they don't see it that way.

And much of the information is in a state of flux as people constantly edit it. It's an interesting experiment, but hardly a rock-solid source of objective information.

Google isn't much better. Google isn't a definitive source of truth. It's just a collection of junk. Google is great at helping you find what most people thought was a useful answer. And it is frequently entertaining, if not the absolute truth all the time (remember the whole "miserable failure" thing?).

But that distinction is lost on most people. Google becomes truth. And unlike Wikipedia, it's nearly impossible to challenge or alter if Google is wrong.

So put all this together and what do you get? A stack of useless opinions feeding back on itself, endlessly repeated, cataloged, and searched.

The Internet has become our Oracle. And it is wrong.

Blue

I walked the half-mile to my substitute hotel last night (favorite place The Edgewater was full), my bags slowly carving a bruise into my shoulder. Ahh, the Waterfront Marriott. Maybe I'll go for a walk and enjoy the water view.

Nope. Their "reservation desk" made a mistake and overbooked the hotel by about 15 rooms. Apparently the American Association of Orthodontists is in town.

So they tell me they'll schlep me up to the Madison Renaissance up the hill. Way up the hill. Friggin' fantastic. No nice walk on the waterfront for me. Room on the 6th floor. Not bad, but noisy as hell. Went to bed early, slept in late.

Today I just feel blue.

Various deserving co-workers are getting multiple promotions. Assorted colleagues are having great success in their musical endeavors. And that is great. They have all worked hard, or at least worked, to achieve these goals.

I work hard, too. Sometimes. But these sorts of things are not unfolding for me. Lately I feel like I'm not getting anywhere, or not getting there fast enough. Or something.

I was programmed early on to be competitive, to be the best, and have spent a good portion of my life trying to unwind some of that. Per Chapter 22 of the Tao Te Ching:

Because he competes with no one, no one can compete with him

I have that posted in my office and think about it a lot. Of course, at times I just consider it the ultimate winning strategy, which means that I'm still competing at heart. But most of the time I really try to embrace its true meaning and let go.

It is a daily challenge. I am so used to beating on problems as intensely as I can. Sometimes the best solution is to just do nothing.

All I know is that right now, I feel like this.

Am I overtraining?

Recently I've been dealing with some minor physical complaints - my left leg's vastus lateralis muscle has been sort of tight, achy, and just "not right". Sometimes when I'm in bed trying to sleep it spasms and keeps me from falling asleep. And it seems like my sleeping has been off - had a hard time falling asleep, and either not getting much or having a hard time waking up.

This morning when I woke up at 5 am to catch my Seattle flight, my upper chest was dripping with sweat, having left a lovely 4" diameter sweat mark on the sheets.

I just haven't felt "right" lately. I was chalking it up to Claritin and allergies, which have been hammering me for the last few weeks. But I made myself stop taking Claritin a week or two ago and haven't felt any better.

Looking back over a bunch of draft posts for this particular blog, I see topics and notes like "What do I want to accomplish with my life?" and "What am I doing?". Clearly, I am not happy. A far cry from early March.

I've been working hard at a bunch of projects at work and at home. I've also been continuing to try and stay in shape. But I haven't seen much improvement lately (even some decline). Feels like I've been living underwater.

In poking around asking my friend the Internet, I have started to think maybe I am overtraining.

Workout Symptoms

• Usual workouts feel more difficult (can't say, been changing things up. It's always hard)
• Early fatigue during workouts (same)
• Increased heart rate even though not working as hard (haven't been monitoring)
• Decreased strength (a bit)
• Decreased coordination (not sure)
• Physical challenges seem too hard (oh yeah)
• Decreased performance on strength, speed, or endurance testing (yup)

Physical Symptoms

• Persistent fatigue (yes, but I feel like I'm always tired anyhow)
• Ongoing muscle soreness (not much)
• Loss of appetite (yes and no)
• Increased aches and pains (yes)
• Increase in overuse injuries (yes)
• Frequent colds or infections (nope)

Nonphysical Symptoms

• Difficulty sleeping (yes)
• Feelings of irritation or anger (yes, unfortunately for my friends, family, and colleagues)
• Feelings of depression (yes)
• Lack of motivation (OH yes)
• Fear of competition (I still don't fear competition)
• Difficulty concentrating (what? Sorry, I wasn't paying attention. Yes)
• Increased sensitivity to emotional stress (some)

I suppose at any given point during the last few months or years I might have answered "yes" to many of these items as well, but lately it seems worse. It's just like the color saturation of life has been dialed down a bit. The list just seems to resonate.

Maybe I need to take some time off from the gym. I've been basically trying to go every single day I could stand to go, and hitting it hard when I'm there, sometimes doing "bonus" cardio work if I felt like I hadn't been enough in a given week.

Like many other things in my life, I've probably been expecting too much (of myself and the world) and going overboard. Then again, maybe I'm just being lazy. Maybe it's all in my head?

So what to do? Overtraining is dealt with by resting and some "alternative training". Even the thought of it makes me nervous. I'm in Seattle now, I brought my running shoes (which certainly need replacing) with me so I could work out. 40 minutes of hardcore intervals, baby!

Maybe that anxiety/upset over potentially "slacking off" is indication enough that I'm burned out.

I wish I had someone I could bounce this off of who could relate (Isaac?) - but like many other pursuits in my life, I'm pretty sure I'm all alone here - I don't think any of my friends work out or exercise regularly, or at the level and intensity that I do (Joi?). Even talking about "overtraining" would result in laughter for most of them.

Regardless, I need me some serious sports medicine leg massage. And maybe a bourbon.

Review: Ultimate Ears

I don't shill. Never have, never will. I only suggest things to my cohort if I actually like and use them. So I'll start documenting some of those things here.

First off: Ultimate Ears Super.Fi headphones. I got a pair of these for free several months ago, and I love them. These are in-ear headphones - they actually slide into your ear canal - with silicone rubber earpieces. They are very small, and provide very good isolation.

Those last two points are critical for me - I've been doing a lot of traveling and this has typically meant lugging 2 pair of additional headphones. One "noise-cancelling" set for the plane rides, one "normal" set of Sony StreetStyle cans for regular walking around (the noise-cancelling 'phones are enormous, not that good, and require their own battery!).

The Ultimate Ears have replaced everything. They fit in a tiny metal box not much bigger than an Altoids case. Their isolation is so good that they remove the need for any noise cancelling. And because the drivers are so close to your ear, they don't suck up a ton of power.

They also sound really, really good, if a bit bass-shy. There are fancier versions one can purchase that have better bass response, but hey, these were free, and a little "custom EQ" on the ol' MP3 player fixes that right up. They are some of the clearest headphones I've ever used, and in my 20+ years of making music, I've tried a lot.

They're also not entirely suitable for working out, as the fit is so tight that foot impacts cause conduction noise - the vibration from your feet/body shakes the earpiece which shakes the air in your ear canal. It's not awful, but I'll stick to my "workout" headphones.

Note also that some people really hate the feeling of having things stuck in their ear canal, and it takes some experimentation to find out which of the 4 types of plugs they ship the headphones with work best for you.

Regardless, I liked these so much, I gave sets as gifts last Christmas.

Highly recommended.