The haze of Flexeril

Back to the doctor again. Big surprise - "take 2 aspirin and call me in the morning" didn't work so well. So in response to my complaints of cramping, he signed me up for 2 different kinds of muscle relaxers. Both based on Flexeril.

One is the traditional formulation. The other is a new "extended release" formulation. My doctor loves trying new pills on me apparently.

"Extended release" sounds like something Duran Duran did to "Union of the Snake" in 1984.

Expensive pills, and because they're new, hard to find.

I took them for a week. Yeah, they kept my leg from cramping. They also kept me from thinking and getting out of bed. It was like, well, being on drugs for a week. Serious drugs. No problems sleeping, no pain. Also a complete inability to think clearly or carry on a conversation without concentrating my ass off.

And one night I went to bed and my left leg twiched. Then my right leg. Then my chest. Next day, I asked my friend the Internet about side effects. Guess what? "Muscle twitches" is a common one. OK, this is clearly not working...

Off to see the doctor again. What's next?

Leg update

I went back to the doctor yesterday. For the last 3 weeks, he's had me taking large doses of ibuprofen and not working out my legs - no running (or pretty much any cardio), no squats, etc.

It has certainly made going to the gym tough, and I've barely gone.

It's only helped a little - while I haven't had any really bad nights or days, I have only had a few good ones. I've been keeping a little leg situation journal. Not so awesome.

So today I got some muscle relaxers to try when I sleep. I'm still reading about cramps on the Internet. It feels like it's a muscle problem more than anything else. But is it some sort of vitamin imbalance? A circulatory problem? Neurological?

2 weeks from now is the next step.

The flesh fails

For a while now, I've been having problems with my left leg. Dull aching during the day which comes and goes. No amount of massaging seems to assuage it. A weird lump in the middle of my vastus lateralis when using a foam roller. Mysterious twitches at night keeping me up, contributing to sleeping problems. Tightness when fully extended.

Doctor gives me some giant ibuprofen and says "stop working out your legs for 2 weeks - no weights, no running. Take these. Then come back." It's been almost a week. I really miss cardio. But I'm not feeling a lot of improvement. Yeah, there's a bit less pain, but it's still not right. I am probably going to end up needing some sort of MRI to find out what the hell is going on in there.

I've gained a bit of weight over the last several months, so I'm basically back where I was before I started on a big exercise regime and diet. However, my blood pressure is lower and I'm sure I'm more fit. I am not really convinced that all the working out is the cause of my leg problems. Then again, I'm no doctor.

Still, it's just a drag. I'm too young for chronic pain. It's a drag.

I've also been doing way too much traveling - that's one reason for so little writing. Earlier this month I was in Las Vegas, before that Seattle (where I took that picture of the water from my hotel room). Last week, New York. Tomorrow I fly to DC. The weekend after, I'm off to Korea (happy Korean National Foundation Day, by the way - the consulate was closed so I couldn't get my visa sorted today).

I'm pretty much over it at this point. The combination of tiny cramped planes with my leg issues is just no fun at all.

Collectively, it's just put me in a down-ish mood for what feels like this entire year, though it's probably only been a few months. I try to find some little joys or pleasures in each trip and every day. Lately it's just been enough to sleep through the night without my leg freaking out on me. Enjoying my morning coffee and looking out the window, wherever I am.

I've been working on de-cluttering my life, finally getting rid of clothes I don't wear, stuff I'm not using. Somehow I've ended up with a lot of junk. I remember when I could fit everything that mattered to me in the back of my car. I guess that means I've gotten old. Or grown up. Or both.

I don't talk much about work here - the usual mass of confidential stuff. And inevitably I will rant about how frustrating things can be. But I have a very good gig, with a lot of cool people. Nothing really to complain about there at all. I love Rhapsody.

I actually bought a CD recently - the reissue of Wendy Carlos' Sonic Seasonings - something from my youth. Very nice, still mysterious, though now I hear it with more knowledgeable ears.

I am also greatly enjoying the two albums Harold Budd and Robin Guthrie recently released - After The Night Falls and Before The Day Breaks. Very much like their Mysterious Skin soundtrack collaboration.


Time to go take 800 mg of ibuprofen. I'll be happier when I know what's wrong with my leg, and what I have to do to get it back to "normal", assuming that's even possible.

Am I overtraining?

Recently I've been dealing with some minor physical complaints - my left leg's vastus lateralis muscle has been sort of tight, achy, and just "not right". Sometimes when I'm in bed trying to sleep it spasms and keeps me from falling asleep. And it seems like my sleeping has been off - had a hard time falling asleep, and either not getting much or having a hard time waking up.

This morning when I woke up at 5 am to catch my Seattle flight, my upper chest was dripping with sweat, having left a lovely 4" diameter sweat mark on the sheets.

I just haven't felt "right" lately. I was chalking it up to Claritin and allergies, which have been hammering me for the last few weeks. But I made myself stop taking Claritin a week or two ago and haven't felt any better.

Looking back over a bunch of draft posts for this particular blog, I see topics and notes like "What do I want to accomplish with my life?" and "What am I doing?". Clearly, I am not happy. A far cry from early March.

I've been working hard at a bunch of projects at work and at home. I've also been continuing to try and stay in shape. But I haven't seen much improvement lately (even some decline). Feels like I've been living underwater.

In poking around asking my friend the Internet, I have started to think maybe I am overtraining.

Workout Symptoms

• Usual workouts feel more difficult (can't say, been changing things up. It's always hard)
• Early fatigue during workouts (same)
• Increased heart rate even though not working as hard (haven't been monitoring)
• Decreased strength (a bit)
• Decreased coordination (not sure)
• Physical challenges seem too hard (oh yeah)
• Decreased performance on strength, speed, or endurance testing (yup)

Physical Symptoms

• Persistent fatigue (yes, but I feel like I'm always tired anyhow)
• Ongoing muscle soreness (not much)
• Loss of appetite (yes and no)
• Increased aches and pains (yes)
• Increase in overuse injuries (yes)
• Frequent colds or infections (nope)

Nonphysical Symptoms

• Difficulty sleeping (yes)
• Feelings of irritation or anger (yes, unfortunately for my friends, family, and colleagues)
• Feelings of depression (yes)
• Lack of motivation (OH yes)
• Fear of competition (I still don't fear competition)
• Difficulty concentrating (what? Sorry, I wasn't paying attention. Yes)
• Increased sensitivity to emotional stress (some)

I suppose at any given point during the last few months or years I might have answered "yes" to many of these items as well, but lately it seems worse. It's just like the color saturation of life has been dialed down a bit. The list just seems to resonate.

Maybe I need to take some time off from the gym. I've been basically trying to go every single day I could stand to go, and hitting it hard when I'm there, sometimes doing "bonus" cardio work if I felt like I hadn't been enough in a given week.

Like many other things in my life, I've probably been expecting too much (of myself and the world) and going overboard. Then again, maybe I'm just being lazy. Maybe it's all in my head?

So what to do? Overtraining is dealt with by resting and some "alternative training". Even the thought of it makes me nervous. I'm in Seattle now, I brought my running shoes (which certainly need replacing) with me so I could work out. 40 minutes of hardcore intervals, baby!

Maybe that anxiety/upset over potentially "slacking off" is indication enough that I'm burned out.

I wish I had someone I could bounce this off of who could relate (Isaac?) - but like many other pursuits in my life, I'm pretty sure I'm all alone here - I don't think any of my friends work out or exercise regularly, or at the level and intensity that I do (Joi?). Even talking about "overtraining" would result in laughter for most of them.

Regardless, I need me some serious sports medicine leg massage. And maybe a bourbon.

Fitness update

I've been meaning to post a follow-up regarding my fitness situation.

Since November, I've lost over 10 lbs. I currently weigh about 172 and have gotten my body fat under 19%. People are noticing that I've lost weight, which is great, and I feel much better now that I don't need new pants!

I'm going to keep at it - just not as hard core - and try and get below 170. My blood pressure is also back into a normal/safe range, so we can consider this more or less done for now.

Hooray me!

Arnold's Law

We're all familiar with Murphy's Law.

Recently I've become more familiar with what I am calling "Arnold's Law":

No matter how full or empty the locker room is, once you pick a locker, someone will appear next to you needing to get into the locker occluded by your locker door.

I've been spending a lot of time at the gym lately and found this to be ridiculously true. Hell, the gym can be closed and someone still seems to appear out of nowhere. It's nuts.

Anyhow, work is settling down a bit - part of it is the usual end-of-year "nothing's going on". Part of it is my group is just in a bit of a lull. Regardless, it's a nice change. Lots of other big pieces moving around, but I am not heavily involved (yet).

I haven't spent much time working on music, just been monkeying with some new equipment (new mic pre, new mic, some software upgrades). Noodling around, coming up with some ideas. Also trying to find new people for the band and rehearsing for the upcoming Palace Family Steak House gig.

Also been spending some time with Neverwinter Nights 2.

Got back to DC on a business trip and saw some family and friends. The leaves were turning, it was raining, it was sunny. Made my heart ache a bit for the past.

And as for the gym? Well, I'm down to 179 and my blood pressure was normal this morning (it's been close all week).

As for music and such, the things I've been enjoying lately:

• Tim Hecker "Harmony in Ultraviolet" - Ambient.
• Pan American "For Waiting, For Chasing" - Ambient.
• Alva Noto + Ryuichi Sakamoto "insen" - Glitchy ambient.
  
• Cranes "Particles and Waves" - Still doing the same weird gothy thing. I still like some of it.
• The Knife - "Silent Shout" - Off-kilter disco.
• The Church - "Uninvited, Like The Clouds". It's a new Church album.

What are you all up to?

I'm fat and I have high blood pressure

184 pounds, at 5' 10", which gives me a body mass index of 26.4. That's "overweight".
180/34 blood pressure, which is smack in the middle of what is considered "pre-hypertension".

While being fat is annoying, I'm mostly concerned about the high blood pressure. I don't smoke, don't drink to excess, and don't eat a lot of salt. So what else is there?

Stress? Check.
Lose weight? Yeah. So there you go.

Looks like I need to lose 15-20 pounds. And get life a little calmer. By eating salad or something.