The Seven Deadly Dwarves

This morning, The Wife observed that the Republican candidates are each embodiments of a different cardinal sin. We discussed it over the Sunday Times and here's the result:

Lust: Rudy Giuliani
The wives, the affairs...I'm surprised Rudy never tried to be a rock star. But clearly he's driven by a strong desire to get laid.

On the plus side, if elected he will inevitably provide more fodder for proof of Republican hypocrisy on the issues of marital fidelity and their favorite bogeyman, Bill Clinton.

Gluttony: Mike Huckabee
This guy ate himself up to 300 pounds by age 40 and more or less gave himself diabetes. Wrote a book about losing weight. (This may be a cheap shot, but it is what kicked off our whole discussion.)

Greed: Mike Huckabee
Unfortunately, we have to list Huckabee here again, as the man has a documented history of lining his own pockets. Of course, these are the Republicans we're talking about, and really, any and all of them could be listed under here as well.

Sloth: Fred Thompson
If Fred were any lazier, he'd be sending his PA out to do his whistle-stops and stump speeches. Given his recent performances, this might actually be a better campaign strategy: Build the Myth. His campaign has seriously tried to pitch him as viable because he "looks and smells Presidential".

He entered the race late and even his own campaign team has to remind him he needs to actually try to get elected.

Wrath: Tom Tancredo
His extraordinarily harsh stance on illegal immigration places him squarely in the "wrath" category, pushing out Alan Keyes. He actually gets even angrier that other Republicans get anywhere near his fury about illegal immigration, and accuses them of trying to "out-Tancredo Tancredo".

McCain was a contender here, but his wrath is all the "sound and fury, signifying nothing" type. He talks tough, but watching him hug George W. Bush and endorse him after all the campaigning and having the Bush campaign label him as mentally unstable...well, it's all an act. McCain is as truly wrathful as Grandpa Simpson. Dana Carvey's "Grumpy Old Man" is has more honest wrath than McCain. Also more entertaining.

Tancredo, on the other hand, got in a screaming match with Karl Rove.

Envy: Alan Keyes
Keyes ran for President in 1996 and 2000. Obviously didn't win.
He also ran for Senate in 1988, 1992, and 2004. Didn't win.

He was detained briefly during the 1996 campaign when he tried to force his way into a debate to which he hadn't been invited.

Always the bridesmaid, never the bride. I hate to break it to you Alan, but you're not going to win this time, either.

Pride: Mitt Romney
Romney's feeling that he is "one of the chosen" comes through in every picture, speech, and public appearance. He is convinced that he is better than all of us and will not rest until he is literally ruler of the entire world. A recent New York Times article documented his annoying compulsion to "top" any statement anyone else made, even if he had to lie to do it.

The irony is delicious. Seven Deadly Dwarves. Does that make Hillary Clinton the Snow White in our increasingly tortured analogy?

Living in design

Today I got up at 6 am to fly to New York for work. I have air travel down to a science - at this point I just have it totally dialed in. I know how long it takes to drive, park, check in, stand in line, etc. I can cut it close now.

I have my "travel clothes". My pre-packed bags ready to grab and go. I know exactly how much metal I can wear through the detector. I can take my shoes off, doff my coat, and whip my laptop out of my bag faster than most people can pick up one of those gray bins. It's like ballet.

Walking through that space with my headphones in, I am basically the embodiment of every ad in Wired or Fast Company. "Living the dream", flying from SFO to JFK on a hot new airline with a Timbuk2 bag full of the latest in digital music technology so I can go talk to people at MTV.

It's ridiculous and marvelous. I wonder how I got here, living in this entirely designed experience?

I flew Virgin America today. They leave out of SFO's International terminal, which is a beautiful place. Almost a totally different airport - marble floors, clean walls, lots of light and space. Not too crowded. Beautiful minerals exhibit outside security.

I took a gypsy cab into the city. Must be the medication I'm on - I would never normally do that and only wondered if I'd end up dead in a ditch once!

So I'm at the W. Another heavily "designed" experience. Dark hallways. Mood lighting. Downtempo music. Modern room furniture.

Like Target, these experiences constitute a layer of design pasted over what is essentially a "budget" experience. Take away Virgin's fancy lighting and techno music and you have, well, JetBlue. Or Southwest.



Visiting the "W", one starts to think it's so damn dark because it hides the stains on the carpet and the poorly-finished room corners and bathroom fixtures. Turn up the lights, turn off the looping downtempo CD playing when you enter the room and you're basically in a Marriott Business Jail with "modern" furniture instead of traditional American Hotel Awful. And in Times Square, that "budget" experience is still north of $600.


Even if living in design is basically the same as living without, it's more fun.

Cancer

One of my close friends has an inoperable brain tumor.
Another family member had a brain tumor discovered and removed in the last 30 days and is in recovery.
One of Iran's classmates, a young woman, has breast cancer. Surgery, chemo, the works.
One of my co-workers died several weeks ago after a lifelong battle with cancer.
One of my team members' significant other is being treated for Hodgkin's lymphoma.

Today I found out that the mother of some dear friends has breast cancer and is going into surgery in 2 weeks.

My Famous Friend Jeff Macke

In college I was a DJ on Dartmouth's NBC-affiliate radio stations. My first show I paired up with another Freshman - Jeff Macke. We did a crazy/awful thing called "The Party Show" and broke all kinds of rules and go in all kinds of trouble. Back in those days, this drove me crazy.

I'm in New York, at the W. It's about 25 degrees outside and snowing. So I'm doing cardio on the elliptical machine. At the W they all have these little TVs-on-a-stick in front of them. Mine is off. But the one next to me had this MSNBC show on called "Fast Money". I glanced over at it and nearly fell off my treadmill.


Jeff Macke is now a TV star. He does financial commentary. Jeff also used to run a successful hedge fund, which he eventually shut down because he realized hedge funds are bad deals for the customer.

Jeff was always a very kind and thoughtful guy. Glad to see he's doing so well.

I knew Jake Tapper, too. He used to draw cartoons for the school newspaper.

Requip

My doctor returned to prescribing me Requip. The following are direct excerpts from the "patient information" insert.

REQUIP (ropinirole hydrochloride) tablets
If you have Parkinson's disease, read this side
If you have Restless Legs Syndrome (RLS), read this side
What is REQUIP?
REQUIP is a prescription medicine to treat moderate-to-severe primary Restless Legs Syndrome. It is sometimes used to treat Parkinson's disease. Having one of these conditions does not mean you have or will develop the other.
... What are the possible side effects of REQUIP?

• Most people who take REQUIP tolerate it well. The most commonlyreported side effects in people taking REQUIP for RLS are nausea, vomiting, dizziness, and drowsiness or sleepiness. You should be careful until you know if REQUIP affects your ability to remain alert while doing normal daily activities, and you should watch for the development of significant daytime sleepiness or episodes of falling asleep. It is possible that you could fall asleep while doing normal activities such as driving a car, doing physical tasks, or using hazardous machinery while taking REQUIP. Your chances of falling asleep while doing normal activities while taking REQUIP are greater if you are taking other medications that cause drowsiness.
• When you start taking REQUIP or when you increase your dose, you may feel dizzy, nauseated, sweaty, or faint, when first standing up from sitting or lying down. Therefore, do not stand up quickly after sitting or lying down, particularly if you have been sitting or lying down for a long period of time. Take a minute sitting on the edge of the bed or chair before you get up.
• Hallucinations (unreal sounds, visions, or sensations) have been reported in patients taking REQUIP. These were uncommon in patients taking REQUIP for RLS. The risk is greater in patients with Parkinson's disease who are elderly, taking REQUIP with L-dopa, or taking higher doses of REQUIP than recommended for RLS.

This is not a complete list of side effects and should not take the place of discussions with your healthcare providers. Your doctor or pharmacist can give you a more complete list of possible side effects. Talk to your doctor about any side effects or problems you may have.

Other information about REQUIP
Studies of people with Parkinson's disease show that they may be at an increased risk of developing melanoma, a form of skin cancer...

A small number of patients taking medicines to treat Parkinson's disease, including REQUIP, have developed a problem with gambling. It is not known if this problem is directly related to the medicines or is due to other reasons. If you or your family members notices that you have an unusual urge to gamble, talk to your doctor.

A little research also uncovers that some patients have "increased sexual desire". Check!
Also on the nausea and dizziness. And headaches.

I've been on it for about 2 weeks now. Ramped up to the full dose. The best part? My leg still hurts a little.

The haze of Flexeril

Back to the doctor again. Big surprise - "take 2 aspirin and call me in the morning" didn't work so well. So in response to my complaints of cramping, he signed me up for 2 different kinds of muscle relaxers. Both based on Flexeril.

One is the traditional formulation. The other is a new "extended release" formulation. My doctor loves trying new pills on me apparently.

"Extended release" sounds like something Duran Duran did to "Union of the Snake" in 1984.

Expensive pills, and because they're new, hard to find.

I took them for a week. Yeah, they kept my leg from cramping. They also kept me from thinking and getting out of bed. It was like, well, being on drugs for a week. Serious drugs. No problems sleeping, no pain. Also a complete inability to think clearly or carry on a conversation without concentrating my ass off.

And one night I went to bed and my left leg twiched. Then my right leg. Then my chest. Next day, I asked my friend the Internet about side effects. Guess what? "Muscle twitches" is a common one. OK, this is clearly not working...

Off to see the doctor again. What's next?

Leg update

I went back to the doctor yesterday. For the last 3 weeks, he's had me taking large doses of ibuprofen and not working out my legs - no running (or pretty much any cardio), no squats, etc.

It has certainly made going to the gym tough, and I've barely gone.

It's only helped a little - while I haven't had any really bad nights or days, I have only had a few good ones. I've been keeping a little leg situation journal. Not so awesome.

So today I got some muscle relaxers to try when I sleep. I'm still reading about cramps on the Internet. It feels like it's a muscle problem more than anything else. But is it some sort of vitamin imbalance? A circulatory problem? Neurological?

2 weeks from now is the next step.

Radiohead and the music biz

[This was originally written when Radiohead's "In Rainbows" album was released, but it's just as relevant for their recent album "The King of Limbs".]

Radiohead have always been far more media/press-savvy than most people will give them credit for.

First of all, they're not really doing anything new - Canadian artist Jane Siberry launched a store containing her entire catalog with the same "name your own price" methodology, and that was about 3 years ago.

The main thing here is that the demographic Radiohead appeals to is a good fit for this strategy - they're critical/press darlings, and the digerati think they're friggin' awesome. It's also worth noting that these sorts of early adopters are some of the most connected people and simultaneously some of the last willing to pay anything for music. And they love open-source anything.

Radiohead also realizes the power of the physical good, hence the "deluxe package". They have a solid, rabid fanbase, and that core is going to buy the expensive physical good anyhow.

Radiohead also recognizes that their music is going to get distributed. Why give anyone else a cut when they can control it all? And if everyone takes it for free, that's still OK because they've gotten massive press and all their fans will buy the deluxe package anyhow. To me, it's very similar to Aphex Twin's "Analord" 12" series (vinyl-only, nice binder, etc.). Focus more on getting the most money out of your hardcore fans, since nobody else is going to pay anything anyhow.

And for all of this, Radiohead has 100% control and keep 100% of the profit (they also shoulder 100% of the risk).

So I think it's pretty smart.

That said, this won't work for everyone - Radiohead's fan base is connected, tech-friendly, and willing to pay. I don't know that, say, Garth Brooks' fan base is in a similar situation. Or Madonna's. Most people would rather go get the CD for $10 at Target or Wal-Mart or Best Buy. So I don't know that a ton of "big" artists will follow suit.

And almost every smaller artist I know is already doing what Radiohead is doing, but they don't do "deluxe packages" or run their own stores. And why should they? It's a lot of work and they're better off having the conferred legitimacy of being in iTunes or Rhapsody or whatever.

Virgin America

I flew Virgin America for the first time on my last trip to DC. Is it an incredible new experience?

Well, no. It's a budget airline. But they do things a little differently, wrapping their experience in some nice design:

• Many of the airports I've flown in and out of on Virgin (SFO, JFK, Dulles) use the "International" terminal. These are usually nicer and less-crowded than the usual domestic or commuter terminals. That, coupled with Virgin's British legacy immediately "classes up" their image. The SFO International terminal is beautiful compared to the dumps the other ones have become.
• The self-check machines are fancy touch screens on nice tables, with concealed printers. They put vases of fresh flowers on top. This has the advantage of making them very easy to find as well as immediately changing your perception of the airline. Airports are generally incredibly sterile industrial environments, all vaulted concrete and steel. Flowers immediately make you relax and feel different about things.
• The ticket counter areas have some carpet mats, and friendly staff dressed in black. They smile a lot and politely ask if they can help. Some are even out from behind the shield wall of the counters.
• The boarding passes are nice cards printed on substantial paper. A minimum of cryptic junk. Large, readable type. They fit in a back pocket without folding.
• Boarding times are at least 10-15 minutes more optimistic than the actual boarding time, presumably to minimize the number of people boarding late. Smart.
• The planes themselves are brand new. Black carpet on the floor, white walls, and violet blue mood lighting instead of the usual white industrial fluorescent gothic. It's probably just gels over the same ol' tubes, but it does look very nice.
• Transparent violet dividers. Pleasant and "modern".
• Seat backs are hard white shiny plastic. They remind me of Kubrick's "2001" space sets. They seem to get marked up and scratched easily, but when the mood lighting is on they pick up the purple nicely.
• Seats are pretty close together, on par with any other old airline. Definitely not as nicely spaced as JetBlue or Alaska.
• Seatbacks feature Virgin's special entertainment system, called "RED". Has TV channels, "premium" (i.e. you pay) TV, movies (you pay)...and some other fun stuff - built-in video games (which I've seen people of all ages play), seat-to-seat IM (this will never get used!), and a built-in live Google Map that shows where you are, how fast you're going, etc.
• RED also features the food-and-drink ordering system. Touch what you want, swipe your credit card (cash is not accepted, only credit cards), and they bring it right to your seat. When you want. This is very nice.
• Only problem is that RED is flaky. It worked great on this flight, but on later flights it was either not working at all or had particular failures and required several "resets" per seat.
• Seats are (probably fake) leather. Black for coach, white for first class. First class looks very cushy.
• Safety presentation is by video rather than attendant. It's reasonably entertaining, which is to say it is like Chapelle's Show compared to the normal presentations. A bit of humor, all done with animation.
• Prices are quite affordable.

Recommended.

I'm in the future

I am in the future. 16 hours into the future - or at least 16 hours ahead of San Francisco.

I'm in (South) Korea, Seoul to be specific. And it really is like the future here. Brand new buildings springing up fast. Technology everywhere. It's hard to describe. So far, it's a bit like living inside an in-flight magazine, all shiny surfaces and nicely-lit rooms.

My flight in was about as pleasant as a 12-hour trans-continental/trans-Pacific flight could be. Korean Air was flying a nice new plane with large (if too hard) seats in coach, and decent seat-back entertainment systems (I got to watch "Sunshine" and "The Lookout").

The flight attendants are practically androids - they have heavy make-up and are immaculately dressed, with tied scarves and matching outfits. A far cry from the dumpy shorts and polos of Southwest. Rather nice, actually. They distributed satchels with sleep masks, toothbrushes, and special sleeping socks.

They also kept the plane cold. I actually had to request a blanket, and was still cold throughout the flight (note to self: I need a new jacket/coat).

My leg was pretty well-behaved as were all the kids on the flight. Only really got unbearable for the last hour or so.

Immigration and customs were a breeze.

The weather was beautiful. I found a cab driver and set off for the hotel. 90 minutes later, we arrived. Poor cab driver looked as though he was going to have a heart attack - he was so upset about the driving conditions (lots of traffic), he was constantly putting his head in his hands. I just sat back, listened to music, and watched the sun set.

My "hotel" is actually a "serviced residence", or corporate apartment, and it is swank. Seriously. It's about 1/3 the size of my entire house. 2 HD flat screens. Comfy furniture. Refrigerator. Clothes washer. Scale. 2 showers. 2 toilets that need owner's manuals. The whole thing looks as though it was built yesterday - immaculate, tasteful. Beautiful view, too.

I had a beer and some food sent up and flipped around on the TV until about 8:30 pm or so and went to bed, waking briefly at 4 before returning to sleep. Got up at 6 and hit the gym (naturally, several colleagues were there as well).

Off to a short day of meeting folks at our Korean office. Having a good time so far.

I like the future. It's nice.

My latest favorite book

I just finished Austin Grossman's book "Soon I Will Be Invincible". Very entertaining. Loved every minute of it.

Langley High School Reunion - Prom 2.0

Back in DC, back at Mom's. Small rental car. I'm dressing up. Should I be wearing a tie? Nah, too formal. I'm the wacko from San Francisco, right? I'm driving down Route 66, with my lovely wife as my date - she's all dressed up, too.

It's like we're going to the prom. All I need is a corsage or something. We're at the hotel and can't find parking. We're walking in. Outside a family is in the ending stages of a wedding. Beefy guys with near-shaved heads sport vests over white shirts, jackets slung over arms in the unseasonable heat.

Inside we're asking where the reunion is. We're looking for elevators. The distant thump of DJed music shakes the building. We walk up to the doors. Wrong high school - looks like James Madison is having a 10-year reunion next door. We walk over to the other ballroom. Here we go.

Pinning our name tags on. Opening doors as the music roars up. I look around. It is Prom 2.0, 20 years later. The same people, dressed up, sweating, nervous. Everyone talking about who came and who didn't; who brought whom, who's together. Who's broken up.

I swear the DJ is playing the exact same set we got nearly 20 years ago. And like that time, I've surprised a few people by bringing a mysterious hot woman no one has ever met before. This time, it's my wife. Yay me.

The main difference this time is the drinking is subsidized.

People are milling around, looking for faces they recognize. All of the ladies look fantastic. There's some sort of giant roast labelled "Steamship of Beef".

I'm seeing people I recognize but the music is too loud. Most of these people have stayed here on the East coast, many still in Virginia. Many with kids, and a few with a shocking number of them.

Everybody is smiling. I'm getting hoarse. It's not very comfortable in here. We look around. I scan the memorabilia table and set a pile of CDs down next to the framed list of the 8 classmates who've died since graduation. I knew 2 of them well. One died in a drunk driving accident weeks after graduation.

I am surprised again that anyone remembers me. Shocked to find some of them have even found and regularly read this blog (hi, Mike!). I'm having fun, but I'm also getting tired. There's only so much of this nostalgia I can take, and the prom flashbacks are starting to creep me out.

The sheer volume in the room coupled with the size of the space and lack of places to sit aren't creating a nice vibe. Again, it's like prom. Nobody dancing.

I look at my wife. Time to go? We exit the room and the tinnitus ring of excess sound crashes into the relative silence. We get back in the car and ride back to DC, chatting about the evening.

Unlike my last trip back for a reunion, there's no melancholy creep through the city streets or blurring of past and present. My life is here and now - my wife next to me, driving through what's become of McLean, back to DC where my mother lives with her new husband.

Soon I will get on a plane and return to San Francisco, where I live. Where life is. It was nice to see the old gang, albeit briefly. Would have been nicer to talk to some folks longer. Nicer still to have had something to talk about.

I'm OK. You're fine? Good. Glad to hear things didn't turn out awful for any of us. Hope the next 20 are good, and the 20 after that. Maybe even the 20 after that.

Take care. Save a dance for me. And maybe send me an e-mail.

The flesh fails

For a while now, I've been having problems with my left leg. Dull aching during the day which comes and goes. No amount of massaging seems to assuage it. A weird lump in the middle of my vastus lateralis when using a foam roller. Mysterious twitches at night keeping me up, contributing to sleeping problems. Tightness when fully extended.

Doctor gives me some giant ibuprofen and says "stop working out your legs for 2 weeks - no weights, no running. Take these. Then come back." It's been almost a week. I really miss cardio. But I'm not feeling a lot of improvement. Yeah, there's a bit less pain, but it's still not right. I am probably going to end up needing some sort of MRI to find out what the hell is going on in there.

I've gained a bit of weight over the last several months, so I'm basically back where I was before I started on a big exercise regime and diet. However, my blood pressure is lower and I'm sure I'm more fit. I am not really convinced that all the working out is the cause of my leg problems. Then again, I'm no doctor.

Still, it's just a drag. I'm too young for chronic pain. It's a drag.

I've also been doing way too much traveling - that's one reason for so little writing. Earlier this month I was in Las Vegas, before that Seattle (where I took that picture of the water from my hotel room). Last week, New York. Tomorrow I fly to DC. The weekend after, I'm off to Korea (happy Korean National Foundation Day, by the way - the consulate was closed so I couldn't get my visa sorted today).

I'm pretty much over it at this point. The combination of tiny cramped planes with my leg issues is just no fun at all.

Collectively, it's just put me in a down-ish mood for what feels like this entire year, though it's probably only been a few months. I try to find some little joys or pleasures in each trip and every day. Lately it's just been enough to sleep through the night without my leg freaking out on me. Enjoying my morning coffee and looking out the window, wherever I am.

I've been working on de-cluttering my life, finally getting rid of clothes I don't wear, stuff I'm not using. Somehow I've ended up with a lot of junk. I remember when I could fit everything that mattered to me in the back of my car. I guess that means I've gotten old. Or grown up. Or both.

I don't talk much about work here - the usual mass of confidential stuff. And inevitably I will rant about how frustrating things can be. But I have a very good gig, with a lot of cool people. Nothing really to complain about there at all. I love Rhapsody.

I actually bought a CD recently - the reissue of Wendy Carlos' Sonic Seasonings - something from my youth. Very nice, still mysterious, though now I hear it with more knowledgeable ears.

I am also greatly enjoying the two albums Harold Budd and Robin Guthrie recently released - After The Night Falls and Before The Day Breaks. Very much like their Mysterious Skin soundtrack collaboration.


Time to go take 800 mg of ibuprofen. I'll be happier when I know what's wrong with my leg, and what I have to do to get it back to "normal", assuming that's even possible.